You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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