I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
