I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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