I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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