Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
