My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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