Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
