I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
