Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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