I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
