Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(208): View more from Idaho

weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her

Fav 5 918 4605
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(818): View more from California

I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.

Fav 28 6588 1017
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(905): View more from Ontario

She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.

Fav 14 1977 5547
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(248): View more from Michigan

Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."

Fav 6 4986 1798
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(973): View more from New Jersey

Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride

Fav 23 5607 1716
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.

Fav 15 1905 738
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(585): View more from New York

Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.

Fav 0 21 97
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