I'm really into asian looking animals
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
