I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Vodka?
Forever.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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