Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
