A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My liver just had a heart attack.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
