The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
