my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
