She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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