She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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