Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
