I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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