somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
