MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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