She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
