It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
