he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
