by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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