In the future we'll all be gay
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
