final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
