I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I love having hate sex.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
