Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Operation Purity has been aborted
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
