I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize