The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
