I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
