guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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