8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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