either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
