In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
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