Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
