i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
