we're blogging at a bar
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
