I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
