the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
