you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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