Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
