Barsexuality is the new black.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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