i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
