My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
