and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My cat gives me a boner
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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