ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
